Bloom Where You are Planted
 

When my family moved from Pittsburgh to Orlando 30 years ago, I was out-of-my-mind
anxious. I feared what my new life held in store for me. My mom routinely told me that
we all have to “bloom where we are planted.” Being a kid, I didn’t have a choice but to
move and I made the choice to blossom into my new circumstance. I took her advice and
worked to make the best of the change.

 

 

No matter how much I talk to my orchid, conveying the same advice my mom gave to me, it
just doesn’t buy it. This picky and splendid plant spent about 5 years just surviving
along side the house under the shade of the oak. I decided to move it to a place along
the fence and under the shade of the jasmine. Miraculously, it began to form buds and I
had ten glorious blooms a few months ago. We cut the shade-providing jasmine back, it got
just a touch too much sun and now I’m trying to revive the plant back to its former glory.

 

I think we have the capacity to make bad situations better and we have the choice to see
the good in every situation. I do think it natural, however, to have an easier time
“blossoming” in some environments and situations than others. Just like the orchid.

 

When you decide to divorce, you may have a choice of the “environment” in which you are
“planted.” Depending on your circumstances and the relationship you have with your
soon-to-be ex-spouse, a fantastic alternative to litigated divorce exists: collaborative
divorce.

 

Collaborative divorce is a non-litigated settlement process in which the spouses, lawyers,
a neutral mental health professional, and a neutral financial professional work together
to reach an interest-based settlement. The lawyers advocate for their clients, but do so
in a constructive, civilized manner. Everyone involved in the process must abide by a
contract which outlines behavior and communication.

 

My experience is that those who decide to “plant” themselves in this process have the
opportunity for personal growth, and yes, “blooming.” Unlike litigated divorce,
collaborative divorce gives spouses the opportunity to work toward a settlement, not
talking through their lawyers, but talking to each other. Extra-legal issues – those
“human issues” that are so often dismissed in a litigated case – have the space to be
expressed. More often than not it is these very human issues that are the stumbling block
to resolution. This process gives those issues room to be heard, so that all involved may
have a deeper understanding of the interests of each spouse. It can be quite enlightening
for all involved.

 

In the two cases I just finished, I have seen the overwhelming benefits of committing to
this process. My clients, both women, have come out on the other side smiling. Where
once there was uncertainty and trepidation, now lies confidence and hope. I happen to
adore these women and it gladdens my heart to see them doing so well after reaching a
settlement. I know these women will continue to blossom and look back on the experience
favorably. Neither experience was simple, or without tears, or without strong emotions,
but through the commitment of themselves, their spouse and the team, we reached resolution
together.
 

If you are interested in having the possibility of a friendship – especially if you and
your spouse have children together – I enthusiastically recommend collaborative divorce.
At Grossman & Grossman P.A., A.J. and I are not only both trained in the collaborative
divorce process, but also hold Master of Laws degrees (“LL.M.”) from the number one ranked
dispute resolution program in the country, The Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at
the Pepperdine School of Law. We feel blessed to offer this service to our clients and
look forward to helping you.

 

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Kiki Grossman is a family law attorney with the Winter Garden Florida law firm of Grossman & Grossman P.A. She holds a Master of Laws degree from the #1 ranked dispute resolution program in the United States, The Straus Institute at Pepperdine University School of Law. You can learn more about Kiki by visiting the Grossman & Grossman P.A. website